Well, I am sitting here watching Resident Evil. It is kinda freaking me out...luckily I am not here by myself.....This is a really good movie...I watched "Ballistic" with Antonio Banderas first. That movie SUCKED!! What is a person to do...really? Tonight I work until 2am. Then sleepy bye. Talked to my boys today, my middel one sounds a little sad....I will call him again tomorrow. This next week I am going to Vacaville to stay over on New Years. I guess there will be some comedy show or something...I am going to go now....have fun....

Trying to find gratitude....It is Christmas Eve and I am working....thats it!! I was able to get everything that I needed for my children, painted a picture for my girlfriend (and framed it!!) Yes, I am thankful!! 2 years ago, I was a total mess, then.....something changed inside of me. A light began to shine, and I saw the road....the path that I was meant to take. At the age of 29, my world faded away and reality took its place. I am thankful. These 2 years have been wonderful and exciting. There have been problems, and then solutions to the problems. I sit here, by myself at my monitoring station, and think, am I really alone??.....I stopped being alone. While my family enjoys the holidays and dinners, I sit and thank my God that I was saved. That out of the darkness, my voice, my cry was heard.....Thank you God....

So I called my oldest son up and this is what he had to say about the present that I sent him. "You forgot to wrap it!!!" Ok, that is thank you enough....I am working on my girlfriends gift right now....Ok, give me a break...I am a PROCRASTINATOR!!!! It is a small painting of a couple in front of a bridge....a nice bridge!!! Mounted on handmade paper.....I will finish it tonight...Wish me luck.

I got the "Howard Stern Private Parts" CD today in the store...So I am rocking right now to Ted Nugent, Ozzy, Van Halen,.....get what I mean....miss the old stuff....Remember going to the lake jammin to Anthrax and the Beastie Boys...That was a long time ago. I hope that David has forgiven me for leaving his jacket on the car and then driving off without it....Sorry!!!

I just had a glimpse....a thought in my head...followed by the feeling in my body.....I was going to start taking care of myself physically....I saw a glimpse of what I used to look like when I was 19...all muscle....I wanna go back. The choice is mine ........ New Years resolution. Do you have any???

I just watched "The Sum of All Fears" with Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman. Again, I say, I remember when I first saw that preview in the movie theatres and then waited for a month or two. Now, today, it is Lord of the Rings. Came out today, and I hear that the movie preview that will be going with it Terminator 3. Looks like we may have a fairly interesting year in movies coming up. Spider-man this year, and then The Incredible Hulk, sometime next year......

I got to the Mailbox store near my house.....it was alot more expensive than the postoffice....but at this time of year....it is impossible to get through the line in less than 1 hour. I mailed Tylers present, I will call him about it tomorrow...at least for him to keep his eye out for it.....Christmas Eve working....it sucks but I have to.....I am so thankful that I am working, coming across the overpass in Berkeley, I saw the most beautiful sunset...I loved it...and can just say...WOW!!! I hope that everyone is doing well and that you are all safe and warm...we are going into a little more rain here soon...so I have my shorts on now just to celebrate the sun!!

Ok, the big news for the day is that I bought all the presents for the boys!! There is the K'nex toys for both Taren and Tyler and then Rylee gets Lincoln Logs and a "skate park"....I hope that they like it all. My oldest son lives in Idaho, we have had a rough relationship due to some of my issues from the past....I think this is the first time that I will be sending him a Christmas present....I hope that he likes it. Actually, I really hope that he LOVES it!! It is a K'nex Pinball Arcade. I bought it at Toys R' us.....I am really excited this year about Christmas, although I dont get to see alot of my children, because I live here and they live "there". I just try to do what I tell them I will do and then call and talk to them all the time....Which reminds me...I need to call Taren....Always when I call he is putting me on speaker phone...he gets the biggest kick out of that...Taren is my little comedian...:) I made sure that I bought toys that were not violent and that were good for the brain...:) Thats it for now....working til 4:30 tomorrow morning....cant wait for the sleep.....

Ok, way tooooooo much coffee....my feet are doing a little dance here under the desk....I dont really like the feeling!! But who cares anyway. I am here at work all by my lonesome...and except for the every 3 hour test, there is really not much to do. I bought myself a phone for Christmas. I was looking for different cameras, all the digital line. I went to Radio Shack and then over to Best Buy. Best Buy was thrashed...like a bunch of elephants had been through the store....I like a couple of cameras at Radio Shack. One was the Casio EX. Small and good resolution. The phone I bought was for Metro PCS and they have really good rates...35 dollars a month for unlimited calling in a "limited calling area". Check them out if you need something that doesnt require a credit check and that you can pay up front....no contract....:)

I started at 10:00pm tonight over in Hayward. I feel pretty good knowing that tonights work will only be a 4 hour stint....Today, I watched my youngest sing in a Christmas Show....It was sooooo cute....I am so very lucky. All the time!! Considering my past, I am blessed with a great family, lots of support, and the ability to know my higher power....I say have a great Christmas....!!

I am so happy, this is my second day off from work...Tomorrow is the day with the 4 year old and his Christmas show. I am so lucky to be where I am in my life and that I have wonderful people helping and supporting me through these times. Does this sound like alot, it is!!!! I need to get ready now by taking a shower, then getting the heck out of Dodge....Oh, I have to scrounge up some money so that I can make it all the way to Vacaville.....

Ok, I know that you are totally excited about me being back here to write....waiting patiently I see....I had a wonderful weekend and one of the highpoints was the fact that I went to see "Turandot" by Puccini yesterday at the San Francisco Opera. Lunch was at a Thai restaurant right up the street from Glide Memorial Church....Went to Union Square in front of Macy's for a while and watched the people around the Christmas Tree. The pictures in my head are wonderful. Sorry, for not being a Blogger Plus member....or I would have the shots here....still trying to figure out how to encompass links to pictures on Yahoo....

Ok, so I'm listening to MP3.com at work.....Now, I have to tell you about this band that is on here.....definitely influenced by Metallica....They are Called "Eternal Decision" Let me just say...they rock!!! It's like coffee without the coffee...know what I mean Vern??? Check them out...

Just when you thought that everything at work was ok, they switch where you work and at what time.... I am looking for a Linux box right now...The best option that I have been able to find is on the Wal-Mart site. Check it out and let me know what you think of the setup. I will have to find a monitor somewhere....probably at a thrift store there in Berkeley. Out of the Closet in Berkeley is one of my favorite places. I think the monitors there are about 25.00....That should work, what if I score a really nice Trinitron or something....Last night I had to discuss the difference between cheap tin foil and good tin foil. I had just put a nice, delicious DeGiornos pizza in the oven....placing it on tin foil new out of the box....walked away, and you know what I found 30 minutes later....the pizza and the tinfoil had "melded". Ok, what happened to that tin foil that mom used to buy that you could reuse, panel the side of a car with??? That brought me to the second part of the discussion which was " When you are sitting there and you find that the toilet paper you are holding in your hand is not to the level of quality that keeps your finger from poking through....what do you do???" Ever had anyone come up to you and give you 11 rolls of toilet paper....My personal favorite is Cottonelle....and for you users of cheap toilet paper "Didn't your mother tell you to not eat with your hands???" Later

My back is really giving me problems....I walk around and feel this pain all the way down to my foot. Sucks to be me!!! Today is going well. No major issues at this point....Just started a new post over at Timberfrog.com The software that I am trying out is called Red Squid It works for us that need multiple window views of web based apps. Also it works for the opening of explorer trees. Like it so far. I think I will be getting some sushi here soon. You would not believe what I had for dinner last night....I opened the lid to the pot and it was just like one of those scary movies....all octopus arms and mussels.......I had to eat it....I thought....or I would make the cook unhappy....I ate it and she was unhappy anyway.....yuck!!!! I'm sure some people would just love it....but not me.....yuck!!! I always say thank you and smile away...so dont think I am not grateful......oh, by the way.....I found some really good screen savers at Download.com and here is one for Christmas.......3D Christmas Screensaver

Ever get to work and find that your email is locked up because someone has sent you an email that is multi-meg??? Surrrrrre, we know about those....here is one sent with the best intentions....not big like this....just put the Patsy Cline song that was embedded in the page with it.......


My instructions were to send this to four people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Please pass this to four people you want to be blessed as well as the person who sent it to you. This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached, please do not break this pattern, prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but there are a lot of rewards; let's continue to pray for one another.

"Lord, I ask you to bless my friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them your love and power. Father, I ask you to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through your grace.

"Oh God, Your Sea Is So Great and My Boat Is So Small"

Well, I am home now.....just trying to wind down so that I can take my nap. I know that if you have been reading this, you are probably saying " Hey fat butt, get yourself to the gym!!!" Ha ha....not till a nap cause I will be totally grumpy if I dont....:) I hope that all of you are still at work and bored or busy off your butts....have a nice day....

Almost done with my work day...nothing to report other that I have had a really "good" day...Damn I used "that" word again. My back is not hurting anymore. I think I will get off my lazy butt tonight and go swimming or something...better do it now before I croak from a heart attack. I was actually thinking about that the other night....I am only 31 and I am thinking about heart attacks...I can see the commercial now....Later

Here is an interesting link to a news page. From the Wilderness.Trying to look at different scenarios to the news, one finds that the "staple" of information resides on all the national channels. I am always interested on "other" points of view and hypothesis. Today is going ok, my back is killing me. I have to get more excercise in my day. I sit here and ask myself "Why did you get the membership to the YMCA if you never use it?" Pure and simple laziness. That is the trap, laziness will keep my back hurting. Waaaaaaa.

I went and saw the movie "Bowling for Columbine". Wow, what a thinking movie. I miss being able to go to a movie and having it as much of me during as after...I could not stop thinking about the message that it offered. That "maybe" we are an overly armed nation, and that obviously there were too many guns around. That the ease and use of getting and using guns, their ammunition, was linked to the 12,000 deaths a year that occured through firearm use....I dont want my children to have this in their lives...hmmmmmm. More later....

Nighty Night!!!! Time to go home...I have to remember to get gas first......sleeeeeep....sleeeeeeeeeeeeep. Goodnight...or Goodmorning....

I am fading fast...sitting here watching WB20 and not even focusing...tonight has been really slow...oh well....

A little bit "earlier" in the day....Wow, it has been a really long time since I stayed up this many hours. I have to say that the experience is not all that pleasant...3 more hours before anyone else shows up....and I really dont know what I should report on. I mean I was trained and all but there are still some questions in my mind....I wonder why all of the lights stay on....is it cheaper to keep them on or to turn off those that aren't needed....Oh, well...We have a ping-pong table here and a pool table. I think that I will rack up a game of pool now....I hope that I dont hurt myself...ha ha ha. By the way...I got the new Maximum PC Magazine today and it rocks. Too Bad that I dont have the system to mess with anymore...but maybe next year. Looking at my new schedule...I have 4 x 10 hour days starting after the 8th....good for me....:)...Well, later. Or should I say "earlier"....

Almost 1:00am...oh fun. Learning is what learning does....I sure wish I had a few more hours of sleep today...I am going to be dead tomorrow...:( . So I hope everyone has a chance to take yourself of your youngest friend to go see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets....Ok, where are the secrets? I didn't see any of them...hmmmm. The website is cool, as long as you have broadband...or something fast....I enjoyed it very much with my son, althought the movie ran a little long....my 4 year old was glued in the whole time...3 hours of glued in is huge for him. I love seeing his excitement and his eyes go wide with wonder....A beautiful thing.....

Ok, the post today is taking place over at my mom's house here in Vacaville... the weather is beautiful and it is Thanksgiving....One of my favorite days of the year. I wont even comment about the traffic that we had to get through. There are a few people here and the house is beautiful as usual...I would like to just comment for a moment about my grandfather...I picked him up about 12:30 and he was definitely ready for the trip. I dont think he was ready for the hour and a half trip though....Traffic was horrendous. I am so glad that he rode with Mar and I. It will remain in my memory forever...I will write more tonight....So to every one...Have a wonderful Thanksgiving....

You have to try some Shirley Q Liquor if you are at work.....Just have an MP3 player installed and be sure you close the door cause you're gonna be laughing...Nothing like a little Shirley to get the day through.

Nothing like a little hot Peroshki in the morning....Good for ya. The drive wasnt so bad this morning, but I'd sure like to work closer to home. Yesterday it took me over an hour to get home.. Ok, I hear ya!!! Waaaa!!!. It is nice to have a job at this time...I know how fast they come and go. I've done " just about everything " But there are still a bunch of crappy jobs out there waiting for me...I'm thinking alot about this Thanksgiving....I really am so grateful for the past few years....I've been able to reconnect with my boys and make them a part of my day. No matter that it is a really small part. I know that compared to the past, it is a large part....They just want to be close...I dont think they have that knowledge of love, other that they like how they feel when they are close....I know that when I interact with Rylee, it seems that all my worries go away, and finally I am caught in the moment...the moments are beautiful....Enough about that for now...No use in getting all teary eyed at work... Last night consisted of "Shakespeare in Love" quite a good movie if you have someone there to hold on to....Check it out for yourself. I hope to go and see Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings soon....Probably not until next week. Well, I have to go back to work now...a piece of "Romeo and Juliet" by William Shakespeare.....Before he could entertain a conjecture, to imagine how these fatal accidents had fallen out, Juliet awoke out of her trance, and seeing the friar near her, she remembered the place where she was, and the occasion of her being there, and asked for Romeo, but the friar, hearing a noise, bade her come out of that place of death, and of unnatural sleep, for a greater power than they could contradict had thwarted their intents; and being frightened by the noise of people coming, he fled: but when Juliet saw the cup closed in her true love's hand, she guessed that poison had been the cause of his end, and she would have swallowed the dregs if any had been left, and she kissed his still warm lips to try if any poison yet did hang upon them; then hearing a nearer noise of people coming, she quickly unsheathed a dagger which she wore, and stabbing herself, died by her true Romeo's side.

Nice weekend in Calistoga I'd have to recommend the Petrified Forest for sure!!! Although its pricing was alot better for the buck, I still have to consider what it must cost to run these tourist sites. Ok, so we finally got out of the house around 12:00pm and started our short journey to Calistoga from Berkeley. Something like 70 miles away. The weather was cloudy with sunshine there in Berkeley and turned pretty dark near Vallejo. By the time that we got to Napa there was spots of sunshine. There is nothing like sticking your head out the window in Napa California saying yahoo because the sun has decided to join along. Going down 29, we finally got to the intersection for Calistoga. We, (Mar and I) decided that we should continue north to see the two things picked out for the day...One, the Petrified Forest, and two, the Old Faithful Geyser. Ok, so back to the drive...Taking a Left at Petrified Forest Drive, you go about 3 miles up and over some wooded areas, then you have to take a right to enter the parking area for the area. Five dollars for each adult is well spent when you see what it is that Petrified Forest truly is. I mean, any rock you pick up may be .......100 million years old....but to look at giant redwoods that 3.4 million years ago were just casually, very casually....biding there time...then Whammoooo!!! The top of the mountain blew up and leveled them. Burying them in volcanic ash...then throught the millenia, organic fiber was replaced by the silica....cell by cell, until now you have this totally cool replica, made of stone of an ancient redwood....kind've awe inspiring.....I took lots of pictures, so maybe later I will put some of them in here....Next we went to the "old faithful" geyser....all right....8 dollars to get in. Now, I know that I have ruined by tv, and the internet and everything else that is virtually free.....but I wasnt too excited about this one....It is all hidden in the middle of a bamboo stand and has a few Palm trees around...like those two species are native or something....Every twelve minutes, super heated water erupts from between this pile of rocks, into the air about 60 feet....fairly impressive if you have never seen it before....Then we were off to the Silverado trail back to Napa...I cant wait for thes pictures to develop cause I have to say, Mar was crazy!!! She would have me stop the car and then she would run into the grape field and take pictures, maybe I am too conditioned but I was worriied that someone would come out and say that we were under arrest for trespassing....can you believe that??? The views were beautiful because the grape vines had changed color to bright yellow down to the deepest red....with the green hills in the background...it was a wonder....Next year though I could recommend going about a week or two earlier....but that would mean that the hills would not be as bright green....After a few phot ops....we decided to stop in at the Bakers Square in Napa and have some turkey sandwich and a big ol slice of carrot cake....Back on the road we stopped at Sonya's to celebrate her birthday.....my o my....there are some really attractive Spanish women in this country...I know cause I am with one, but the ladies at the party made me smile...they are so "proper". Alright, at this point I am stuffed with food....time to go home and get ready for the early morning wakeup...Goodnight

1:00 Time to turn on these wonderful phones...."Lordy, Lordy".....sounds like my grandmother.....:)

12:50 Something is Good you say....Hmmm!! Well, it surely wasnt the drive this morning. That really sucked!!! I dont know what I would do if my girlfriend hadn't taken the "free" pillow from the airline....Great way to make a little lumber support....Hey!! That is a good line...."Hey baby! How about a little lumbar support" Ok, filled with cheese and delivered cold.....The weekend just might be fun, if I can figure a way of taking a little money out of the grocery can and putting it into the buy gas and get the heck out of the apartment can....well....maybe! Calistoga here I come.....I had this thought last night that Calistoga probably isnt going to be that fun, cause I am broke and I end up having to listen to "Maestra" (my girlfriend) lecture for an hour about how I could eat at "special" times if I would stop buying little Micro-g cars. Don't think so....Have you seen these cars....they are tooooooo coooooool. Well that is enough for now.....Late